written 1.4.2013
She never asked for anything, why would she?! She never felt
she deserved what she had in the first place. Her hopes went down with every
person who had let her down in her life, so she stopped hoping for anything…
She unintentionally dedicated all her time to others, she
felt she only did what she had to do. She thought that she can truly live by
loving others; those who were never loved. She appreciated those who were
unloved most, and tried to send each one of them a message of love, even if she
didn’t know them.
Others thought of her as a hero, and with everyone who told
her so, she felt fake and pretending. She never did anything to seek attention,
she sought many simple things in her life and failed, so she stopped seeking
any feelings or actions, and attention was something she didn’t care about
much.
A simple word could make her cry; no matter how solid from
the outside she appeared. The people around her who truly knew her were very
few, and they knew how soft she was. But she knew she was strong, and she
believed strength doesn’t contradict with softness, she had both, and dealt
with every situation with the suitable emotion and attitude.
Even though many people around her made her feel successful
and heroic, she still felt small and sad, she still engaged herself in the life
of others because her own life didn’t mean anything anymore. Many tough days in
her life caused her to lose her ego, individualism and will to live for her
own.
She wished everyone would know her real self, so that they
stop hurting her. She wished they would know that on some days all she needed was a hug, but she hated to feel pathetic either. She was strong and
determined and would always remain so. She only wanted to be loved with no fake
faces around her, no deceit, or unfulfilled promises. That’s all…
