Loving the Impossible - Part I
He doesn't know he's missed, he can’t imagine it. She keeps track of his moves, waiting for a sign, though she knows it's in vain. She knows she won’t be his, but she would die to make this wish of hers come true.
She smiles, even when he’s not around, only because he asked her to. Every night, she suppresses her heart and her hands from writing the most romantic love poem about him, knowing that this will deepen her feelings more for him. She mentions his name casually in front of her friends, but deep inside her, she feels proud of him, and close to him, because he lives inside her heart.
She is his encouragement and reminder; she supports him even when he doesn’t or can’t feel it, and reminds him of his schedule. She loves it when she inspires him to write about anything, mainly he doesn’t write about love, but at least it makes her feel cherished by him, when she is a reason behind his writings.
He might be in love with her, she might never know. She only knows she can’t be his, and this fact makes her cry every night. But she feels she should at least tell him how she feels, for the sake of love, to honor her feelings for him. She feels she owes to him, to his tender heart.
He has always been there for her, even when she doesn’t ask him to. They’re worlds apart; they are so different but in essence, their hearts are intertwined. He held her only once, casually, but having his arms around her is the feeling she wants to go to bed with every night.
She misses him more than anyone else in her life, but she wouldn’t start texting him every day; she wants to keep her feelings hidden, and waits for him to do it first. She enjoys it when he spoils her and buys her all the little gifts that he knows she likes. She would ask him to pick her up from different places, and drive her home. He was the first person she went out with alone as a friend, but time flew on that first time they met, and it kept flying ever since, along with her heart when she sees him.
She never thought she would love someone like him; he doesn’t fit her checklist at all. He is even better than anything she dreamt of, and he is different from her dreams, but in a good way. She doesn’t know if she pushed him away when she once told him about her previous love story, she only meant to make him realize how close he was to her heart, close enough for her to share with him her deepest secrets, without being ashamed or afraid of being judged.
She knows that no matter how many years she’ll live, she will never find anyone who respects her, or looks up to her in admiration for absolutely all what she does in life, the way he does. She trusts him beyond limits and knows that he is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for her. She decided to enjoy it for as long as she can, for as long as he will stay with her. She dreads so much the moment he will tell her about a new love story he is experiencing, because he has to be in a relationship one day. Knowing that she can’t be the one tears her heart apart, but she tries to keep the faith he taught her to have, and think of life in a more optimistic way, as they always did together.
He will still be her consolation, the first one she runs to when she is mad. She is even ashamed of herself because she always talks to him about how depressed she is, which is what the world can’t see hidden behind her constant smile. She is actually depressed because she can’t have him, because her life will always be incomplete, as long as they’re not one.Follow @evronia