Monday, December 29, 2008

[Poem] L.O.V.E.

This is pretty much inspired from the song L.O.V.E. song by Natalie Cole
quite short, but I like it a lot though..

Poem #140


Written 29.12.2008

L is for the amazing love I have in my heart for you

O is for the strong obsession I feel towards you

V is for the great value of my life after knowing you

E is for eternity, that is how long I'll keep loving you

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

[Poem] I Want You Back

Poem #139 

I Want You Back 

Written 24.12.2008

I'm sorry I made you want to leave me

I didn't mean to, please believe me

All I want from life is to be with you forever

But I was foolish, and never clever

I lost you while trying to keep you

I had a dream I never thought was true

I miss you like hell, I want you here

I want to love you and feel you near

I want to let go of the feelings I hold

I want to let my heart's book unfold

I want to hold you close and never let go

You're the one who makes my feelings grow

Will you forgive me for my selfishness?

Will you come to revive my happiness?

I want to die if I can't be with you

But I look forward to living with you

It's the thing that keeps my hopes alive

It's what pushes me to sadly survive

All I'm doing is praying, crying, waiting…

Will you finally answer my calling?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

[Poem] I Want to Write

Poem #135

I Want to Write


I am confused, having a lot to say

Don't really know the right way

To express all what's going on

And everything that's been done

A lot of feelings, a lot of emotions

A lot of sadness, a lot of notions

Buzz, achievements, success

And making great progress

But still, it's like wanting to run

Not feeling like having any fun

I want to hold a paper and write

Wishing to feel everything is alright

I want to cry and be held

I want to scream and be heard

Hoping to be hidden away from life

Coz it keeps stabbing like a knife

What's this silly life all about?

A bunch of days that fill us with doubt

Making us worried about tomorrow

Giving us hopelessness and sorrow

Stealing our ambition and dreams

Driving us to dead extremes

It's all in vain let me tell you

Love is the only thing that's true…

It will give us power to defeat

All hatred, revenge and deceit

But where is this love? Is it here?

Will it ever come so near?

Will it ever give me poems to write,

Filling me with excitement and delight?

What is it that we are all searching for?

Wanting to be cared for? Or is there more?

The ambiguity of life, its mystery and all

When will all these mighty walls fall!

Are we supposed to feel okay?

Will these rocks get out of the way?

I am tired of stumbling and getting up

I am strong but I am just fed up

Life is simply a series of waves

Choose to be a hero, or one of its slaves

But remember the burden to be carried

All the sadness that can't be buried

You choose a way, you can't go back

And you don't know what will attack

You sacrifice, you fall and once more

Wish that there could be any door

That would open to your land of dreams

Where everything is full of bright gleams

Where the scent of love fills the air

That spreads happiness with no despair

Where is the door to this land?

Is it even real or is it just a dream of sand?

That collapses when the wind blows

And when you wake up, it's nothing but hopes

Of which none has come true

Then life goes on, you try to find a way through…


Sunday, December 7, 2008

[Poem] Microprocessors Hell

The Long awaited poem :) in the occasion of the feast, I present the 

"Microprocessors Hell" Poem


Poem #133

Written 6.12.08



It was the day before the holiday

And everyone wanted to go away

Defeated, we stayed of course

But then we were full of remorse

What on earth was happening?!

What were we attending?!

Is it microprocessors or hell,

From which all these assignments fell?!

PIC, TSR, interrupts..

A volcano that always erupts..!!

How dare we ask to enjoy days off!

Why shouldn't things be tough!

It's pathetic but it's the normal thing

That CSD will always bring

No matter how much we shout or ask

No one removes a single tiny task

"You're clever people" they say..

"You've to hate life more everyday!"

But I really don't care coz it's in vain

I'm a programmer, so I won't go insane

Coz of some chips or an ugly debugger

I won't allow this course to make me suffer!





Friday, December 5, 2008

Imagine Cup Registration


مساء الخير للجميع :)

 موفع المسابقة التكنولوجية الاولى على مستوى العالم، بتنظمها مايكروسوفت كل سنة والسنة دي مصر بتستضيفها.

عايزين نشجع كل الناس انها تسجل اسمها في موقع المسابقة (تسجيل الاسم مالهوش علاقة هاشترك في المسابقة أو لا).

طب ليه اسجل اسمي؟  
1. لو عايز اشترك في اي فرع من الفروع التسعة للمسابقة اكيد لازم اسجل (الفروع دي زي التصوير، تصميم برامج، وحاجات تانيه كتير)
2. لو عايز تستفيد من اي تدريب مايكروسوفت هاتقدمه في اي فرع من فروع المسابقة لانهم عايزين يشجعوا الناس عشان نظهر بصورة كويسة السنة دي قدام العالم.. التدريب هايكون من خلال موقع المسابقة أو من خلال دورات في شركة مايكروسوفت نفسها على ايدين ناس متخصصة. فمثلا في مسابقة الفيلم القصير هايدرب الناس مساعد المخرج بتاع خالد يوسف ومعاه سيناريست ومصور.
3. مايكروسوفت هاتقدم برامجها الاصلية مجانا من خلال موقع المسابقة للناس اللي هاتسجل اسمها وده علشان الناس تستخدمها في المسابقة. بس حتى لو مستخدمتهاش في المسابقة، على الاقل هاتقدر تنزلها من موقع المسابقة بعد ما تسجل  اسمك   

4. عشان تقدر تتعرف على اخر اخبار المسابقة وتستفيد من عروضها على موقع مصر اللي عملته السنة دي 

اسجل ازاي؟ 
1. افتح الصفحة دي
2. هاتكتب بياناتك عادي ولما يسألك على الـ
referral code
هاتعمل الآتي: لو انت من جامعه اسكندرية اكتب في الخانة دي  
MSPAU1 Club07
لو مش من جامعة اسكندرية اكتب    

المسابقة التنافس فيها لأي طالب: المدارس والجامعات والدراسات العليا. لكن اي حد يقدر يستفيد من مزايا التسجيل على الموقع لأنك ممكن تسجل كـ  guest 

ياريت تبعت للناس اللي تعرفهم كلهم عشان هما كمان يسجلوا ويستفيدوا 

نسيت اقول ان مصر عاملة سحب على عربية للمصريين اللي هايشاركوا في اي مسابقة سواء كسبوا او خسروا 

ياريت الكل يسجل بسرعـــــــــــــــه :)  واللي كسلان يسجل اسمه يبعتلي وانا هاسجل له :) 

بعد ما تسجل ابعت ايميل في السريع لـ 
عشان اقدر اعرف كام واحد سجل عشان نكسر الارقام القياسية :) 

اللي عنده اي استفسار يبعت على
Thank you..

Best Regards, 
Evronia Azer 

Microsoft Student Partner 
Junior Undergraduate Student 
Faculty of Engineering, Alexandria University 
Computer and Systems Engineering Department


Hi Helloooo :) is a website for the number one technology competition all over the world. This competition is hosted by Microsoft every year and this year it's hosted in Egypt.

As you may know, I am a Microsoft Student Partner, and we're working on motivating everyone to register at this competition, and check it out, as well as compete at it at any field. It has 9 interesting fields available for everyone: Software design, photography, short film, interface design, etc. If you need information about any category, You can ask me.


This competition is really cool, not so hard, and very beneficial…


Now, what I need you to do, is to please register at using your email address, and when you will be asked for a referral code, please do the following:


If you are from alexandria university 

use this Referral code:  MSPAU1 Club07  


If not, use this Referral Code:  MSPAU1   



So they can make statistics about where you're joining from, and this will refer at me, and increase the number of registrations collected under my name.


IMPORTANT: you don't have to compete in the competition in order to register, one of the things registration means is that the word and news about the competition are spreading, and we want to increase the number of registrations …You can register as a student, mentor or just a guest at the website…


I hope you will be able to do that, it's very easy to do, and fast too..

Please tell all your friends who may be interested..


If you don't have time to register, send me your mail and permission and I will register it for you and send you the details immediately.


After you register, confirm with me with a simply email to  so that I'd know you've registered or not..


here's a brief about some of the competitions in imagine cup:


1. IT challenge: a very easy fast competition, in which you get an online quiz to answer. in round 1 of the competition, the quiz consists of 30 questions in 1 hour, you pass to round 2 if you answer 15 correct questions out of the 30.

when you pass to round 2 you get a free $75 subscription to an online library of Microsoft that has a lot of resources and manuals to use. there are 4 quizzes remaining, you can choose to take ANY or ALL of them.. you only have to pass ONE QUIZ of the quizzes to pass to round 2.

I personally participated in this competition this year and I passed to round two.

the next quiz is next tuesday at 10 p.m. cairo local time.


2. Photography: just photos!


3. Short Film : a 15 minutes video or graphics movie


4. Software Design: a program using .NET platform and Microsoft technologies


5. Mashup: you build a mashup using .. the mashup is a program you build using ready-made blocks that you just connect them together .. mashups are like facebook applications, windows vista gadgets..


the theme of imagine cup competition this year is about the eight millennium goals (poverty, health, AIDS,...) so any program or photos or films made have to address any of these problems or all of them.. to show how technology helps solving these problems..


let me know if you have any Qs  

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

[Poem] Different Stanzas of Love

Poem #132
written on 18.11.2008

Tuck me under your arms, don’t let go
Let me feel the love you want to show
Let me sleep in your tenderness and care
Let me believe that you’ll always be there

I want to live close to you
And drown in the dreams you give me
I want to die listening to you
You’re the one who sets my soul free

Let me breathe the love you give
Without it, I know I won’t live
Let me live in a dream with you
Where every miracle comes true

Live inside my heart, don’t come out
Your love, I can’t live without
The dream of being with you
Gives me power to see life through

The warm feeling of you being close
Makes me feel like I’m flying
I want to take care of you like a rose
Coz you’re the one who keeps me smiling

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

[Poem] He's There

He's There
Written on 10.11.08

I wrote this when I felt God listened to my prayers

He listens, He's there
Even if we don't feel His care
He knows our wants and needs
He always sees and leads
When we feel it's all wrong
And need His power to feel strong
His answer comes in time
Making things well and fine
He is tender and kind
In Him, comfort we find
He cares… He's always there
Just pray and your life He'll share

Monday, November 10, 2008

[Poem] Can't Bear the Sadness

I started this poem on 12.6.08, wrote the first 3 lines.. then I completed it on 09.11.08

Can't Bear the Sadness

I can’t bear the sadness

I need to be happy

I hate this blackness

And all the madness

I want to get out

I want to loudly shout

I don't want to hold my tears

I want to break from fears

I want to be cry and be held

I want to talk and be heard…

I feel pathetic.. miserable

So unworthy and incapable

Chained and imprisoned

Can't be consoled by a friend

Hopeless .. helpless.. crying

Wishing for nothing but dying

Without a reason...I'm just sad..

I don't know why, but I feel bad…

Sunday, November 2, 2008

[Poem] And That's Why I Write..

I was asked about one of the pieces I wrote "Why do you write this?" ..I didn't have a clear reply, and I wanted to say more.. On the next day, when I was at university, I was inspired to write about this issue, and I came up with this poem..

So, it's dedicated to the one who asked me this Q ;) :)

And That's Why I Write..
Written on 2.11.08

When I want to write
I just can't fight!

It's a need and an obligation
An enjoyment, a dedication...
A loving feeling, a frustration…
It's letting go of an emotion
It's a commitment, a devotion
For your thoughts and notions
When you're full of inspirations,
Beautiful dreams and revelations…
In your words, you fly…
Your mind soars up high…

But I can never really say,
Why I write this way.
I can't know how, what or when…
I can't decide to write now or then
Or force myself to do so
Coz words just come and flow
It's hard to prevent and keep me
From doing it, coz it's my glee
If I want to write, I will
And nothing can hold me still
And when something inspires my mind
Words become easy to find

So, follow your inspirations all the time
It is never a waste of time
Writing is more superior, artistic
Somehow divine and majestic
It's what makes me proud
More than anything in me I've found
It's what makes all things right
And that's simply why I write…


For more of my writings kindly check my page


Beta Poem Copy--Still Under Revision
© Evronia Azer, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Being an MSP so far

It's been around 2 months since I've become an MSP..
What have happened so far..?
1 meeting + managing a lot of activities..

Being an MSP requires a lot of things but mainly and mostly it's all about dedication and enthusiasm.

1. Dedication: you will have to find time to squeeze in all the things you wanna do as an MSP with studying and unviersity assignments and deliveries, besides your personal life of course Smile

2. Enthusiasm: you have to actually love what you're doing. You're not doing it coz you want recognition, awards, points, or anything else.. Yes these things could be motives to you, but mainly "you gotta do it coz you're lovin' it"!! Your spirit of enthusiasm as an MSP is important because it reflects the spirit of the whole team and of the corporation you're presenting and being part of. Also, if you're not enthusiastic, you can't be dedicated, and if you're not dedicated, then, everything will fall apart...

Finally, being an MSP so far is enjoyable.. It gives you the ability to do a lot of things, mainly, helping others to be involved in a community that you yourself are creating for them..

It's certainly amazing Smile

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

[Poem] Dead in Life... Revived by Death

Written on 14.10.08

How boring and torturing life can be
When it keeps feeding you misery
With no hope and nothing that is fine
And a sun that never seems to shine
You keep on praying, for better days
You try to quit on all your old ways
But nothing seems to work for you
It doesn't change, whatever you do
All what you see is suffering… pain…
A hurt that makes you go insane
From treason, grief, unfulfilled dreams
Your mind spins …your heart screams
Your soul bleeds…your being aches
To be released from life's snakes
You're choking like you're dead
You're sick and your illnesses spread
Increasing unhappiness and despair
Making life hard for you to bear
But hang on, to the faintest light
Regain your strength for this ugly fight
The fight of life that slowly kills us
With troubles and overwhelming distress
You just need to be brave, to stand tall
To be a roaring lion that won't crawl
Because you will be happy someday
All you need to do is to beg and pray
For God is so mighty and powerful
Yet so kind, loving and merciful
He'll grant you the best if you wait
Long enough to see your fate
That will come in this lifetime of yours
Or later in a land that has no wars
A land where there're no struggles or fears
Just divinity and peace… with no tears
Where you'll be revived, alive, flying freely
Being the merriest person you could ever be
This is where you should really fight to go to
It's the land where all your dreams will be true…

Inspired by:
Philippians 1:23
Revelations 21
Ecclesiastes 1
Job 1:21
Psalm 34

The above references can be read here


For more of my writings kindly check my page


Beta Poem Copy--Still Under Revision
© Evronia Azer, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Some Thoughts About True Love - Part I

Some Thoughts About True Love
Part I
October 2008

As a poet, I wrote a lot about love in my poetry through the past nine years since I began writing. I wrote about all kinds of love and feelings associated with it. However, I still feel I need to write more about it, but I don't want to write poems, because I would have to stick to a rhyme or a line length. I want to write as freely as I want, using as many words and descriptions as I like. I just want to write some "thoughts"…

The reason I feel I want to write more about love is because although love is the thing that everyone writes about and sings for, I feel there are still things that haven't been said about it and that there are more to "true love" than just the typical clichés we know. That's why I decided to write now some of what I have in mind, so far, about true love.

True love is NOT the feeling that makes you shiver when you're next to the one you love, or that keeps you waiting for hours for a call from your beloved… Yes, true love includes these stuff and more, but not 'exclusively' or only that. I've seen tests people wrote online about how to know whether you're in love or not, and they kept writing things like "If you hear his voice you run out of words", "If you listen to a love song you think of her" and so on. These aren't bad or false things, but there's more to love than just this "physicality". By the "physicality of love" I mean the things that appear on us or the things that make you feel the love through your senses of touch, sight, hearing and so on.

How do you know whether it is true love or not?
A love is true after it passes some 12 tests I heard from my favorite man Dr Magdy Ishak on TV. They come in this specific order:

1- A love that increases with time
2- A love that is based on knowing each other, not love from the first sight or just some sort of "attraction".  
3- A love that focuses on taking care of the partner's feelings, not one's feelings, with no selfishness at all.
4- A love that is directed towards ONLY this person and not moving from one to another.
5- A love that makes you feel safe in a real way; knowing that this love can face all the problems if you are both joined together.
6- A love that encourages both partners to grow in everything and not neglecting their lives, work or God.
7- A love that can face troubles without falling apart.
8- A love that gives each one his/her own space; so that each partner respects the privacy and freedom of the other partner, that they don't want to 'possess' each other, but they both respect each other's wills, without making the love decrease among each other.
9- A love that evolves first after being convinced with the other, not love at the first sight!
10- A love that includes physical attraction… This point comes at number 10, but there is no harm that it should exist, but this shouldn't be what moves the couple forward in their relationship.
11- A love that is constant not based on any wrong reasons like sexual attraction or anything like that… that both couples know, respect and accept each other.
12- A love that is committed and grows towards marriage by carefully studying the right steps and moving towards them, not just "I want to marry you tomorrow"… and taking serious actions, taking all factors of life into consideration.

After all those conditions are satisfied, you have the seed of true love. I want to write now about the feelings you encounter when you experience this type of true love, when you feel like you've found your other half.

True love makes you a better person without actually "changing" you. You respect your beloved and that's why you will be ready to adjust to better techniques and actions that make him/her happy. You learn how to be modest, how to listen, share, sympathize, accept, trust and understand the one you love. In addition, you see him/her as the best person in the world, so you would want to learn things from him/her and you feel that he/she is better than you in almost everything, even if it is not true. You feel that this person is complete, and you need him/her in order to live, because you feel yourself so worthless without his/her being with you.

True love is not saying "I've found what I've been looking for in you", it's more like "I've found more than what I ever asked for in my life, I feel so blessed and so unworthy to deserve you, because you're too good yourself, and I never imagined to have someone as good as yourself in my life".

Also, true love makes you feel that sacrificing everything, even yourself, is nothing compared to the love you want to share with your chosen person. You'll be also so ready to sacrifice any dream you have in life, in order to reach the dream of spending the rest of your life with that person, even if it is the last thing you will ever do, because you know that by fulfilling this one dream of yours, all your other dreams in life will come true.

True love grows with time and doesn't die. Its wounds are never healed unless it's replaced by another true love, which may be very difficult sometimes.

Most importantly, true love makes you feel that no matter how much you describe, no matter how many words you write or read about it, its feelings are more superior and more indescribable, no matter how much you try.

The "physicality" of true love is also different than the physicality of puppy love or normal feelings of admiration. When you're near the one you love, you feel like you're in another life, that your feet are actually somewhere else other than earth… that you are in a dream that ends so fast but makes you so happy. You keep on trying to hold the hands of time from moving, because you want to freeze the moment with your beloved one. Also, when you both are near, you feel like partners, not strangers; you feel so comfortable, secure, safe, alive and happy.

True love gives you power to fight the whole world if you have to, in order to do anything concerning your love. You're ready to fight any circumstances to be with him/her and you're even ready to fight YOURSELF in order to make him/her happy by doing things that he/she likes.

True love brings you closer to God because you keep praying to win your beloved, and you keep praying to God to keep him/her safe, well, successful, happy and blessed all the time.

True love is about living outside yourself, living a life based on the life of someone else, to be ready to sacrifice, change, give, go through anything, do anything for the one you love… true love is something that makes you look forward to life and at the same time hate life. You'll look forward to it if you'll be with the one you love, and hate it if you ever feel you are not going to be together.

To answer the question: how do you know if this love is true or not? It is simple. When it is true, you'll never have any doubts, guilt or regrets about this love.

True love is what makes poets, writers, musicians and artists produce amazing pieces. True love is the thing that people will never be done with describing and talking about, till life is through …   

Saturday, October 4, 2008

[Book Review] Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus - By: John Gray

I never really liked manuals or non-fiction books a lot. Probably the only non-fiction books I have read and enjoyed throughout my life were the history of literature, poetry books and the Heinemann series about WWII. I never thought I'd really fall in love with the style of books like "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus".

I've seen the book a lot in bookshops and thought about getting it, not because I felt I needed to read it, but because I wanted to know why all the buzz around this book! I didn't see how someone will tell me how I should manage my relationships and my life, I certainly was good at that; I felt I was doing great the way I dealt with everyone around me instinctively. In my eyes, I was Miss Know-It-All! Then, I've been finally urged to read it, and here I am, after realizing I knew nothing and was a complete foolish ignorant, writing a review about this extra-ordinary book, which is more of a treasure, and one of the most valuable things that I've ever read.

From reading this book, one certainly realizes that relationships aren't something instinctive or a piece of cake. I'd like to quote the last sentence from chapter four: "Without a good training manual for relationships, it is easy to understand why many men and women give up on relationships". It is certainly hard to understand the conflicts that occur between men and women without reading this book, we actually think these conflicts are normal and we never think about them. I am even wondering now about how those who had successful marriages made it without reading Gray's book. He shows how and why such conflicts occur, and most importantly, how to treat with them correctly in order to avoid problems and improve relationships. Not just that, but also how to forget and heal problems from the past to be able to look forward for a happy life.

The book not only tells us about our differences, but also teaches us how to make ourselves enjoy these differences and use them as an advantage for ourselves. Throughout the book, the message that the author wants to convey is very clear: that we are very much different but good communication and understanding between partners makes miracles. With each chapter, you will discover yourself and the other more and you will feel that your communication skills are improved greatly. You will also learn everything you need to know about the opposite sex, how they think, feel, react, process information and interpret things, and what should be done amid all that. You will also understand a lot of things about your psychological nature and comprehend the reasons of everything that you feel and, if it's bad or hurtful, know what the cure is.

When I read this book, I realized that it's true that men and women are from different planets. I never really thought we have all those differences; I thought we were all humans! But I was completely wrong for sure! We are all humans but we come from different origins: Martian and Venusian origins! And even though there is some stuff from the book that will not apply on each and every reader, however, most of the book applies on all of us, because after all, we're all of the same two species…

You don't have to be in a relationship to read this book, because reading it will change the way you look towards yourself, others and the way they deal with each other, as well as how you deal with them. You will come to appreciate your parents and your family more, by seeing how they tried so hard to live a life by overcoming differences that they probably didn't realize they exist. For example, in chapter two, the author talks about how different communication among the two partners can be; and how misunderstanding happens while each one of them is trying to show the other love and appreciation. And in chapter three, the book tells us about how differently men and women deal with stress, and how they should accept and deal with those differences. It's certainly something we can't know by 'instinct' only.

The most amazing chapters that made me so surprised were the ones on how men are like "Rubber Bands"; chapter six, and its successor about how women are like "Waves". I have been amazed to read stuff I've never ever heard about concerning the masculine nature, and at the same time, I was relieved to realize that the 'waves' that I have felt from time to time were all natural. I used to accuse myself sometimes of being moody and hate myself when I complained at such times, I thought I was being talkative when I let go of my sad feelings to the ones I trust! I am saying this because I believe we all need awareness, not just about the other, but about ourselves too. We need to dig deep inside us and understand every tiny bit of who we are and what we feel and know why we feel so. If we do that, we can feel satisfied about how we feel and gain self-esteem, confidence and assurance that we are doing OK in life.

I personally encourage everyone to read this book. This will certainly help decrease marital problems and bring more love among those who already love each other. It will also help bring better communication among partners, so that they will express what they want in the right way, for the benefit of both sides not just one of them. In my opinion, the best thing you come out with from the book is that you don't have to sacrifice who we really are or wear a 'mask' in order to have good communication with the opposite sex, but only 'broaden' your mind and see things differently and act according to better techniques.

In the end, if you're looking for fulfilling successful partnerships or if you want to have a wider insight about everything that concerns either Martians or Venusians, I think this is the right book to read. It can be useful for everyone regardless of their marital status. It is certainly a must-read. Thanks John Gray for writing such a masterpiece!

© Evronia Azer, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Life and Death

من سفر رؤيا يوحنا اللاهوتي الاصحاح 21 بركاته علينا أمين

ثُمَّ رَأَيْتُ سَمَاءً جَدِيدَةً وَأَرْضاً جَدِيدَةً، لأَنَّ السَّمَاءَ الأُولَى وَالأَرْضَ الأُولَى مَضَتَا، وَالْبَحْرُ لاَ يُوجَدُ فِي مَا بَعْدُ. وَأَنَا يُوحَنَّا رَأَيْتُ الْمَدِينَةَ الْمُقَدَّسَةَ أُورُشَلِيمَ الْجَدِيدَةَ نَازِلَةً مِنَ السَّمَاءِ مِنْ عِنْدِ اللهِ مُهَيَّأَةً كَعَرُوسٍ مُزَيَّنَةٍ لِرَجُلِهَا. وَسَمِعْتُ صَوْتاً عَظِيماً مِنَ السَّمَاءِ قَائِلاً: «هُوَذَا مَسْكَنُ اللهِ مَعَ النَّاسِ، وَهُوَ سَيَسْكُنُ مَعَهُمْ، وَهُمْ يَكُونُونَ لَهُ شَعْباً. وَاللهُ نَفْسُهُ يَكُونُ مَعَهُمْ إِلَهاً لَهُمْ. وَسَيَمْسَحُ اللهُ كُلَّ دَمْعَةٍ مِنْ عُيُونِهِمْ، وَالْمَوْتُ لاَ يَكُونُ فِي مَا بَعْدُ، وَلاَ يَكُونُ حُزْنٌ وَلاَ صُرَاخٌ وَلاَ وَجَعٌ فِي مَا بَعْدُ، لأَنَّ الأُمُورَ الأُولَى قَدْ مَضَتْ». وَقَالَ الْجَالِسُ عَلَى الْعَرْشِ: «هَا أَنَا أَصْنَعُ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ جَدِيداً». وَقَالَ لِيَ: «اكْتُبْ، فَإِنَّ هَذِهِ الأَقْوَالَ صَادِقَةٌ وَأَمِينَةٌ». ثُمَّ قَالَ لِي: «قَدْ تَمَّ! أَنَا هُوَ الأَلِفُ وَالْيَاءُ، الْبِدَايَةُ وَالنِّهَايَةُ. أَنَا أُعْطِي الْعَطْشَانَ مِنْ يَنْبُوعِ مَاءِ الْحَيَاةِ مَجَّاناً. مَنْ يَغْلِبْ يَرِثْ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ، وَأَكُونُ لَهُ إِلَهاً وَهُوَ يَكُونُ لِيَ ابْناً

I have never thought of death as a bad thing, on the contrary. As mentioned in the above verses, I have seen death as the door that opens to our ultimate purpose and dream in life: heaven, and I've wished for it over and over again..

I have been through a lot of experiences of death of people I know, especially lately.. It's always been hurtful and so cruel, and in spite of that I have rarely cried during funerals, although I am a sensitive person. But I sometimes ask myself, "What is life? A plan put by us or God?" In matters like life and death, it's God of course, but how can we convince ourselves that God is fair and loving when our loved ones go away from us and leave us feeling unhappy?

Isaiah said: "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you."

هَلْ تَنْسَى الْمَرْأَةُ رَضِيعَهَا فَلاَ تَرْحَمَ ابْنَ بَطْنِهَا؟ حَتَّى هَؤُلاَءِ يَنْسِينَ وَأَنَا لاَ أَنْسَاكِ""

Yet we seem to forget this a lot during our daily lives… we think that we're lonely and we grow fearful, forgetting that we're commanded by Him.

Another thing I've learnt lately, surprisingly, is that we have control over a very small part of our lives, and the rest is to be determined by God. Before, I was convinced that it's the opposite case: that God knows what we'll do, but we have all the freedom to determine our lives. I realized I was wrong. Yes, we have the freedom to sin or not to sin, to eat, to study, etc …but we don't have the ability to control our feelings, our emotions, our matters-of-life-and-death decisions and our fate… and that's a long story I may write about it later.

That's why with this philosophy about death and the fact that we don't control our lives and that we are led and not leading, we realize how helpless we are to change the things that make us unhappy. The challenge here is to have so much faith in God, to believe that He wants the best for us, and this way you'll put our lives TOTALLY in his hands…but this is not such an easy thing to do. It takes time, and the human nature worries a lot. We can't just let go and not think about our problems! But let's face it, it's the truth: if we can't control it, why do we think about it? Why does it make us sad? And most importantly, why do we worry and try to change the unchangeable? But it's normal, even King David said in Psalm 88 that he is "distraught", he kept asking God: "Why do You cast off my soul? Why do You hide Your face from me?"

لِمَاذَا يَا رَبُّ تَرْفُضُ نَفْسِي؟ لِمَاذَا تَحْجُبُ وَجْهَكَ عَنِّي؟ 15 أَنَا مَِسْكِينٌ وَمُسَلِّمُ الرُّوحِ مُنْذُ صِبَايَ. احْتَمَلْتُ أَهْوَالَكَ. تَحَيَّرْتُ

So, even David, who was so great, wanted answers from God about the bad things happening in his life, what about us?!

So don't worry when you keep asking God questions, you will ask, you will not receive immediate answers, but surely there's one place to seek consolation and comfort from: The Bible. I personally like Psalms 31, 88 and 90. And there is one big lesson in life that teaches more than anything, and that is certainly: "DEATH"

May God bless us all…

Psalm 31

Psalm 88

Psalm 90